Thursday, 31 July 2008

• More than love.

  Lord, how is it that You love me so much? And how could I ever repay You for this love? Even if the tears running down my face were to go on for eternity, it still would not be enough to justly explain the depth of what I feel for You.
  
  This whole week I've been trying to figure out how I should prepare myself for something like this. I know how to make ready myself for a youth camp and a conference but how Lord do I properly bring myself to this new and special time with You? What can I do to let You know that I mean it, I mean this.This stage or place in my life that's changed me for good, I mean it. This life that I live, I mean it.  It's all for You, every last bit of me. Tell me You want it all and it's Yours. My wishes, my hopes, my dreams I surrender to Your will. Tell me You want all the love I have to give, all the love I have saved up inside of me that is reserved for my future husband, my future children, my future family, tell me You want me to abandon all that love and it's Yours to take away.
  
  I love You so much that the thought of withholding any part of myself from You brings me pain. I love You so much that I don't know how to want what I want anymore. I know no peace without knowing Your will. I love You so much that the only thing that makes perfect sense to me now is wholly submitting every part of my being to You...body, spirit, mind, past, present, future.
  
  I love You for the God that You are to me. It's as if You perfectly tailor fit who You are to the needs of my soul. I love You for the personal and intimate God that You have always been to me. Beyond the huge worships and crowded weekends, I love You for the God that You are in the quiet of my room, the silence of my nights, the stillness of my mornings. I love You for the God that You are in the times of my darkest sins and my brightest triumphs. I love You for never leaving me, for never allowing me to forget Your power and presence in my life.
  
  I love You more than joy, more than hope, more than faith. I love You more than life. I love You more than love.
  
  I'm unpacking myself before this trip. I am unpacking all the things, thoughts, feelings, and desires that bind me to my life so that it may truly no longer be my own. I'm unpacking myself of me so I can be completely free to be captured by You.
  
  I never want to spend a single moment without You near me.
  I never want to breathe a single breath that doesn't take You in.
  I want to be with You. Forever.
  
  You are the love of my life...my first, my last, and my only.
  

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